More and more often, it seems like I am the messy person in the meeting: you know, the one who has something (or more often some feeling) that feels so important to express that I can’t read the room. I especially can’t see that the discussion is winding to a close, or that others in the meeting are beyond tired; or, worst of all, that my point was actually made by someone else fifteen minutes ago.

This is where good facilitation comes in. I have always been aware that excellent facilitation requires a degree of intuition and compassion, and I realized recently that it also requires love. Messy contributions can be made valuable with the help of skilled and, yes, loving facilitation.

In a committee meeting I was participating in recently, there were six minutes to go before the scheduled end of the meeting. The meeting purpose had been accomplished, some insights achieved and shared, and the facilitator was starting to wind down when one of the participants broke in.

This was a rather long-winded participant, known and valued for complex and loving insights, and yet, after a nearly an hour of an evening virtual meeting, the energy of the collective group made a small but quiet surge. I saw the facilitator take a deep breath, and then their face took on a thoughtful, kind, listening look. It was a look not of patience, but of great and loving interest: curiosity.

The participant made their point in something under five minutes. It was a very good point, and made the meeting complete. Someone said the participant’s name reverently, in a sort of awe. The facilitator was smiling, and very quickly and gently brought the meeting to a close.

When the Zoom was closed and I was sitting alone in silence at my computer, I looked out at the night sky. The moon was peeking in the window of my office, and my dog was still sleeping in her special place. Nothing would have been gained by ending the meeting six minutes earlier. But much, very much would have been lost.

Sometimes an excellent facilitator needs to recognize the points that have been made and to bring the discussion to a close. But sometimes allowing another thoughtful comment brings the discussion to a fruitful conclusion.